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Vegas

Somewhere between the bright light of happiness and the darkest pit of despair is me standing in a Vegas casino. Why you ask? Admittedly with the glittering lights and scantily clad hostesses serving free well drinks, how could I be anything but happy? The reason is; because I know something you don’t, something only the rest of you wish you knew. I know beyond a shadow of doubt which one-armed bandits are going to pay off. Yes, its true, standing in the slot-machine pit of a Vegas casino I can scan the banks brightly painted machines and know which will give me the happy-happy sound of clinking quarters – None. You doubt me. I can hear your disbelief right through your computer screen (amazing this modern technology, huh). Even my wife refused to believe that not a single one will ever pay off for me. She needed proof, and I suppose you do to.

My happy little wife is sitting at a nice looking slot machine, pulling the handle of the one-armed bandit with each plunk of her coin. About every fifth coin or so she squeals with delight as coins trickle into the metal tray. Before too long she has retrieved from the house more than she put in.

After growing bored this scene and tired of seeing the same waitress saunter by, I casually walked over and took a seat next to my wife. In just a few moments the smile drains from her face, and that happy look changes to one of frustration. Her machine that was once paying so well has dried up like a puddle on a hot day. Faster and faster she jams quarters in the slot, but when the wheels stop, nothing happens.
      When her pile of quarters is gone she looks at me and frowns, "It’s your fault. You shouldn’t have sat next to me."
      I looked at her and smiled; "Now you know why I don’t buy lottery tickets." To make her feel better, I walked away in search of some new scantily clad waitress to provide me with eye-candy entertainment. I can hear the sounds of her machine once again providing winning spins as the distance between us widens.

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