Somewhere between the bright light of happiness
and the darkest pit of despair is me standing in a Vegas casino. Why you
ask? Admittedly with the glittering lights and scantily clad hostesses
serving free well drinks, how could I be anything but happy? The reason
is; because I know something you don’t, something only the rest
of you wish you knew. I know beyond a shadow of doubt which one-armed
bandits are going to pay off. Yes, its true, standing in the slot-machine
pit of a Vegas casino I can scan the banks brightly painted machines and
know which will give me the happy-happy sound of clinking quarters –
None. You doubt me. I can hear your disbelief right through your computer
screen (amazing this modern technology, huh). Even my wife refused to
believe that not a single one will ever pay off for me. She needed proof,
and I suppose you do to.
My happy little wife is sitting at a nice looking slot machine, pulling
the handle of the one-armed bandit with each plunk of her coin. About
every fifth coin or so she squeals with delight as coins trickle into
the metal tray. Before too long she has retrieved from the house more
than she put in.
After growing bored this scene and tired of seeing the same waitress
saunter by, I casually walked over and took a seat next to my wife. In
just a few moments the smile drains from her face, and that happy look
changes to one of frustration. Her machine that was once paying so well
has dried up like a puddle on a hot day. Faster and faster she jams quarters
in the slot, but when the wheels stop, nothing happens.
When her pile of quarters is gone she looks at me and frowns, "It’s
your fault. You shouldn’t have sat next to me."
I looked at her and smiled; "Now you know why I don’t buy lottery
tickets." To make her feel better, I walked away in search of some
new scantily clad waitress to provide me with eye-candy entertainment.
I can hear the sounds of her machine once again providing winning spins
as the distance between us widens.