Alan:

My brother-in-law has created a nice little business for himself - a carpet cleaning/floor and tile business. There are whispers and hushed converstions about him using his buisness to cover a drug trafficing operation. Who can say if it is true or just vicious rumors?

Beverly:

My Mother-in-Law, and general klutz. Its not really that she's clumsy, she just doesn't pay attention to anything that doesn't concern her for the moment. So, if she's thinking of going to across the street to talk to the neighbor, shutting the door doesn't really fit into that thought, so it can stay open. Well, at least the dog was happy - freedom!

Carlos:

Outgoing and downright pleasant, Carlos is Robin's current husband, and is quiet about the others in this deranged collection. Perhaps he is afraid to delve deeper in to this drama . . .

Charlene:

My long suffering wife. Mother to Johnny, Jennifer, and Paris, and Sister to Robin and Alan, she is suffering from severe emotional distress as the result of a childhood squabble where she was forced to flush Robin's Pebbles doll down the toilet.

Frank:

Frank Norris Passed away on 3/23/2007. He was is the personification of a "Texan" and was forever stuck in the 50's. His entire life was square-dancing and genealogy.

Glenn:

Melody's current boyfriend, although a better term would be owner. Ever since his release from prison for drug dealing and insider trading, he's worked hard to find a new business. He's found the perfect patsy with Melody. He owns her business, controls her checking account, and all of the bills (including her rent and utilities) are in his name. Could be worse, he could still be with the Russian Mafia.

Grace:

Charlene's former sister-in-law. Ok, granted this person has little affect on my life, but since she plays a vital role in shaping some of those who do, she needs to be included. Her most vital role in this little drama has been in shaping the outlook Charlene's daughters have on the world.

Jennifer:

My middle step-daughter. Her recent marriage has brought about a major change, from nasty to nice, rude to well mannered. While this my sound corny, but, perhaps she was just incomplete.

Joe:

Who am I? I am the guy standing behind you at the checkout counter when you elect to pay with all pennies, or forget your checkbook; I am driving the car that hits the beer can you tossed out your window while cruising down the interstate; I am the guy standing behind the person who purchased the last ticket. I am you’re your long suffering host. If there is a bright spot in the universe I was born farthest from it. Not that my luck is really bad (no one dies or loses a limb), but the misfortunes just seem to cascade. Read on and you'll see what I mean . . .

John:

Charlene's ex-husband and general nut case. I could go on for hours and hours about the strange behavior I have witnessed over the years.

Johnny:

Charlene's eldest. I wish I could say more, but I have so little interaction with him that I really can't. However, did you ever met a person and feel they were born for something else? For good or bad, and for reason's I can not explain, I feel Johnny was destined to be a priest. It's not something specific, just something about the way he carries himself, they way he speaks . . .just something.

Lyle:

I'm green with envy over his artistic ability - if only I had his ability to draw, the places I'd go, the things I'd do . .He is steadfast in his belief that Tupak isn't really dead and will soon be knocking on his door with a contract for him. Poor kid, I don't have the heart to tell him that Tupak is really dead, but I couldn't resist telling him that WWF wrestling is fake.

Melody A.K.A.Wicked Witch:

Let me see, how to begin: My mother, or rather the woman who gave birth to me. If ever there was a walking stereotype of a "Jewish American Princess" she is it. Motivated by money and greed, she only cares for herself and her well-being. She has brains, but the common sense of a grape. Even her now dead mother (who ascribed to the title "Grandma Groovy", don't ask it will only make your head hurt) would admit that Melody was selfish at best. What mother do you know who would leave her young child in his crib, alone in the house while she went to a party. Oh and it only got worse over the years. I often wonder who was real parent me or her?

Paris:

Charlene's youngest and takes after her in so many ways. She plans on being the next Emril, and from what I have seen of her cooking skills, she just very well might be.

Phil:

Phil is Charlene's former brother-in-law. This is another real winner. And, if the stories can be belived, he launders money and stolen cars for organized crime (I don't suppose it would be wise to say which crime family, now would it).

Philip:

This human carticure (where dto they come from - the secret lair of the mole men) is the father of Jen's first child. He is an 8th grade dropout and is gullible, foolish, angry enough to chew nails. He behaves like a 12 year old bully on the schoolyard. If we could only somehow tap his anger for the benefit of mankind, the energy output could power all of New Jersey. And while his actions do not affect me, his comic antics are so typical of a cheap soap opera, I had to list him (story coming soon).

Robin:

At one time, Robin refused to believe my tales about John, and, in-fact, believed that I was the guilty part. Although the evidence against John has been overwhelming my Sister-in-law recently,"discovered" his secrets at has now begun to think differently. I can not help but wonder what took her so long to acknowledge the various testimonies. Perhaps when John tried to date her daughters?

Terri:

Alan's wife, and seemingly disgruntled partner in his carpet cleaning operation.